The Departure of a Great Soul—His Holiness Bhakti Tirtha Swami By Sangita devi dasi
June, 2005
By the mercy of my spiritual master, His Divine Grace Srila Prabhupada, I was called upon to serve as the hospice nurse for my dear Godbrother, His Holiness Bhakti Tirtha Swami during his final months on this Earth.
As most of our readers are aware, Maharaja had been diagnosed with melanoma (an aggressive form of cancer) last year and had undergone surgery as well as many types of treatments in an attempt to slow the progression of his cancer. In the midst of tolerating the intense pain of his illness-- as well as the side effects of the “cures”-- he generously shared with our society of devotees his innermost thoughts and realizations about facing death.
During my visits to the Gita Nagari farm to see him I watched in awe as he used his last bit of strength and energy to teach others about what he was experiencing. Every Sunday he willingly accepted so much personal discomfort to travel from his house down a rocky road in order to give class to the large crowd of devotees who assembled weekly in the temple room. He began each class with a kirtan and within minutes his voice would choke up and tears would flow from his eyes as he sang the holy names of Radha-Damodara, the presiding Deities in Gita Nagari. Watching him, I could not imagine the level of intense physical pain he was feeling, but like the “spiritual warrior” he was he simply tolerated it in order to speak one more time to his devoted disciples and loving Godbrothers and Godsisters. Just as Maharaja lived his entire life thinking about the welfare of others, he spent his last days in this same mood. He never cared for himself or the pain it would bring him to give yet another dynamic lecture that touched the hearts of all who were present. The one class that stands out the most in my memory (and I am simply paraphrasing this) is when he asked for a show of hands from everyone who had ever suffered in any way and had asked, “Why me? Why not someone else?” He then asked for a raise of hands from those who had ever watched another’s suffering and thought, “I’m glad it’s not me.” Finally, he asked who in the room had ever watched another’s pain and suffering and thought, “Why them? Why not me?”
What can be said of such a rare soul?
My association with Maharaja began in 2001 when my husband and I met with him in Philadelphia to bring to his attention a new project I was starting with my Godsister, Jusaniya dasi, called Vaisnavas C.A.R.E. (Counseling, Assistance, Resource, and Education for the Terminally ill and Their Families). After only a few minutes he enthusiastically said, “Put me on the Board of Directors and let me know what I can do to help.”
Over the next few years he helped in countless ways. He encouraged his disciples, especially those in the healthcare field, to become involved as volunteers. He met with us in Mayapur for our yearly meeting and discussed strategies to expand Vaisnavas CARE by presenting worldwide seminars and workshops and by fundraising so we could offer more assistance to those in need of our services. He encouraged us to dream large for this project. One of his dreams for us was to build inpatient hospice facilities in the West for those who will seek the shelter of a devotee community in their final days. He inspired us to have the CARE website translated into many languages for our international community. He also made us understand the importance of patience when taking on such a seemingly enormous endeavor as an ISKCON hospice project. He taught us many things, but most importantly, he taught us to love and have compassion for others because Maharaja himself exemplified love, compassion, and forgiveness for others to such a heightened degree.
I will always be grateful to his dear disciples, Ekavira Prabhu and his wife Vraja lila for calling me to Maharaja’s bedside during his last few days. I was welcomed into an excellent group of caregivers who had given everything to their Guru during his year-long fight with cancer. Their degree of love and surrender should be held as the highest standard of care for ones spiritual master and should serve as a reference for future generations to follow. I cannot thank them enough for including me into their circle of love.
So now, as a society, we have the difficult task of learning to live without the personal presence of His Holiness Bhakti Tirtha Swami. As Indradyumna Swami once said, “Whenever a devotee passes away, this world becomes a little more unfortunate.” Today, the world is much more unfortunate. However, through my grief I remain hopeful because I know his sincere disciples and those who had the privilege of knowing him will carry on his mood of care and compassion. In this way, His Holiness Bhakti Tirtha Swami will always be present within our Krsna consciousness movement.
Surrounding His Holiness Bhakti Tirtha Swami are his beloved disciples and His Holiness Radhanath Swami. Mother Sangita listens for a heartbeat just seconds before pronouncing that Maharaja had departed from this world and had gone "back to Godhead."
Monday 27th June - 08:47 The Journal of the Departure of His Holiness Bhakti-tirtha Swami. June 27th, morning (9:30-10:30am)
Gurudeva lays surrounded by his caregivers. Srila Radhanatha Swami holds Gurudeva’s hand, as it holds a Govardhana Sila which sits in his hand facing him. Ekavira is on his left massaging his left hand; Druva is massaging his lotus feet. Other caregivers take turns holding another Govarhdana sila on Gurudevas head. Agni Prabhu fans Gurudeva with a peacock fan at his right. A molding of Srila Prabhupada rests by Gurudeva’s left arm. Gurudeva is adorned with chandan, a large tulasi garland from the Panca tattva and a maha garland from Radha Damodara. The day is clear, and the room serene. A unison chanting of Hare Krsna, in the classic tune pervades the whole house. It is sweet and stately. Srila Prabhupada looks upon Gurudeva from the altar that faces him above his feet. Beautiful images of Krsna with the Cowherdboys and Gopis surround Gurudeva. Gurudeva is serene and transfixed.
There is a slow queue of devotees coming in and offering obeisances. Many bring their deities to show Gurudeva. They offer their prayers, their tears, and after a brief darsana return to the living room where the majority of devotees are seated together in unison kirtana. Everything is organized and harmonious. Fresh air circulates throughout Gurudeva’s room. It is the best of times and the saddest of times. Glory abounds. As from all directions, throughout the room and house and from within the devotees, comes forth deepest reciprocation for the magnificent sacrifice, compassion and love that Gurudeva has gifted to us all. His Holiness Bhakti-tirtha Swami Maharaj Ki, Jai!
Monday 27th June - 11:14 After the initial darsana of Gurudeva, in his process of departing, all the devotees except a couple caregivers and Sangita Prabhu (the nurse) left the room to allow for Sangita to do a proper examination. This brought all the devotees together the living room where Vrakesvara pandit had recently received began leading the kirtana. Gurudeva had expressed such a heartfelt desire that Vrakesvara pandit Prabhu be here to provide the kirtana seva that was so dear to Srila Prabhupada. Recently Gurudeva disclosed to Vrakevara Pandit his strong desire to have him present throughout his departure, requesting multiple times to stay and “chant for me to go back to Godhead” he said “your kirtana helps me to remember Srila Prabhupada and Krsna”.
As the devotees settled outside, Vrakesvara pandit’s very sweet and solemn voice gradually compelled the hearty participation of everyone in the room. As he chanted the whole assembly listened, feeling solace and inspiration. Then the whole assembly responded as one chorus, together finding the shelter and grace of Krsna’s holy names.
After mother Sangita was finished the rest of the caregivers returned, and small groups of devotees were escorted in to spend some minutes before Gurudeva. Often they were invited to take a turn fanning Gurudeva. Groups of the local children and youth, God brothers and sisters, disciples and well wishers gradually came in for a final darsan. As they come forth, they offered their homage. And, facing Gurudeva’s transition, prayed to solidify their own transition in preparing to remain dedicated to Gurudeva in his physical absence.
The caregivers remain around Gurudeva, massaging his lotus feet and hands, periodically spraying radha kunda water. Radhanatha Swami is always by Gurudeva’s side as his “Maha friend”. His face and disposition reveal his deep and intimate love for his dear friend and Godbrother.
There is some slight visible interaction between Gurudeva and his outward surroundings. Mostly the interaction happens through the Holy Names, and spiritual vision of the devotees there. From time to time Gurudeva will adjust his vision of his surroundings. Srila Radhanatha Swami sometimes speaks in Gurudeva’s ear. Recently a tear streamed down from Gurudevas left eye. Everyone is so proud that their friend and master is now receiving the greatest blessings. He is obviously embracing this wonderful new phase of his service. May we embrace it ourselves. We will continue updating as much as possible. All glories to the most blessed departure of His Holiness Bhakti-tirtha Swami! Monday 27th June - 12:15 Journal of the Glorious Departure of His Holiness Bhakti-tirtha Swami, Tuesday 6/27 - 12:30pm-2:30pm Near to 1:00pm the room filled with devotees again. Also outside of Gurudeva’s room a sizable assembly of devotees are snuggled together in front the door, getting a slight view of Gurudeva as he lies in his bed. Both groups of devotees are chanting in unison the Maha mantra, to the classic tune. There is a small path along side to allow for devotees just arriving to come in for their darsan.
The caregivers continue to tend to Gurudeva; keeping his mouth moist, his face clean and dry, lightly massaging his feet, ensuring that proper circulation goes throughout the room. Two devotees are now stationed with camara and peacock fan to add to the circulation of air, and comfort of Gurudeva.
Radhanath Swami continues to stay fixed in front of Gurudeva. Sometimes whispering into his ear, sometimes offer encouraging prayers. Often for sometime he will tap Gurudeva lightly in time with the chanting, tapping his shoulder and arms. His affection radiates throughout the room.
Looking through the windows of Gurudeva’s room, one can see the heads of various devotees popping in and out to get a different view of Gurudeva and the atmosphere. Devotees from throughout the world continue to stream in. Dhanudar Swami, Rukmini and Anutama, Brajabihari - so many are coming! Often they take their turn in fanning Gurudeva.
Through the medium of the holy names everyone is connecting themselves to Gurudeva and to each other. We are all experiencing first hand just how factual it is that the relationship with the spiritual master and with the Vaisnavas, is of spiritual nature. For hours the same devotees have been chanting in unison in Gurudeva’s service and in prayer. Certainly the assembly present is breaching far beyond Gita Nagari, to include all of you, and so many devotees in so many places. May this connection continue to expand. All glories to the most blessed departure of His Holiness Bhakti-tirtha Swami. Journal of the Glorious Departure of His Holiness Bhakti-tirtha Swami. June 27, 3:30 4:00 His Holiness Bhakti-tirhta Swami passed away from this world, and into the loving embrace of Srila Prabhupada and Sri Sri Radha Syamasundar at 3:35pm this afternoon. Gurudeva’s passing was so graceful and peaceful, as if he slipped out by the gentle hands his helpers to board his chariot.
Sangita Prabhu noticed a change in Gurudeva’s breathing pattern and alerted Brahma- muhurta Prabhu, who immediately came and sprayed Radha Kunda water around Gurudeva and applied Tulasi from Krsna-Balaram, Radhe Syam, and Gaura Nitai to his tongue. Srila Radhanatha Swami had left the room briefly. He was altered, and sat down next to Gurudeva. Shortly after that, Gurudeva gave a very gentle breath, a kind of release. It was so slight and graceful, so much so that half the people in the room didn’t notice it. It was his last breath.
After this Sangita and Madhvacarya checked his vital signs. And minutes latter confirmed that Gurudeva had indeed made “the perfect escape”
As the final check of Gurudeva’s vital signs was happening the kirtana intensified, and grew in the minutes it took. When the confirmation finally was expressed, the kirtana roared, rising up with emotion. So many of the devotees started to clap along with the kirtana, with their hands over their heads. The devotees were crying, embracing one another, expressing their feelings of celebration and sadness. Then Kalpavrksa Prabhu loudly chanted the prema dvanai pranam for Gurudeva and for Srila Prabhupada. The kirtana continued in Gurudeva’s room for sometime. Initially devotees in the living room stayed there, but then after five minutes they stared filing into the room, and naturally a queue formed, allowing everyone to have a final darsan of Gurudeva in his bed. Gurudeva’s expression was so sublime, like he was in divine rapture in awe, in gratitude, in love. The processional through Gurudeva’s room continued for ten minutes, and then concluded leading out into the living room. From there the departure ceremony continued with Vrakesvara Pandit leading the devotees in Sankirtana, circumambulating around Gurudeva’s room and the Institute House. Inside Gurudeva’s room everyone except a small group assembled to assist Brahma-muhurta and Radhanatha Swami in the Samadhi Samskara process, which is currently going on.
We will continue to send updates and pictures throughout the full duration of the departure ceremony. The processional bringing Gurudeva from the Institute House to the temple will begin at 8pm, est. All glories to the most sublime departure of that great general of Srila Prabhupada who deeply touched the lives of so many thousands and brought Srila Prabhupoada’s transformation throughout the world. May his legacy be carried by us, leading us to meet with him again in kind. His Holiness Bhakti-tirtha Swami Maharaj Ki Jai!!! kåñëe lasat-péta-paöe catur-bhuje puraù sthite 'mélita-dåg vyadhärayat Thereupon that man who spoke on different subjects with thousands of meanings and who fought on thousands of battlefields and protected thousands of men, stopped speaking and, being completely freed from all bondage, withdrew his mind from everything else and fixed his wide-open eyes upon the original Personality of Godhead, Çré Kåñëa, who stood before him, four-handed, dressed in yellow garments that glittered and shined.
PURPORT In the momentous hour of leaving his material body, Bhéñmadeva set the glorious example concerning the important function of the human form of life. The subject matter which attracts the dying man becomes the beginning of his next life. Therefore, if one is absorbed in thoughts of the Supreme Lord Çré Kåñëa, he is sure to go back to Godhead without any doubt. This is confirmed in the Bhagavad-gétä (8.5-15): Çré Bhéñmadeva attained the perfection of quitting his body at will and was fortunate enough to have Lord Kåñëa, the object of his attention, personally present at the time of death. He therefore fixed his open eyes upon Him. He wanted to see Çré Kåñëa for a long time out of his spontaneous love for Him. Because he was a pure devotee, he had very little to do with the detailed performance of yogic principles. Simple bhakti-yoga is enough to bring about perfection. Therefore, the ardent desire of Bhéñmadeva was to see the person of Lord Kåñëa, the most lovable object, and by the grace of the Lord, Çré Bhéñmadeva had this opportunity at the last stage of his breathing. SB 1.9.31 viçuddhayä dhäraëayä hatäçubhas tad-ékñayaiväçu gatä-yudha-çramaù nivåtta-sarvendriya-våtti-vibhramas tuñöäva janyaà visåjaï janärdanam By pure meditation, looking at Lord Çré Kåñëa, he at once was freed from all material inauspiciousness and was relieved of all bodily pains caused by the arrow wounds. Thus all the external activities of his senses at once stopped, and he prayed transcendentally to the controller of all living beings while quitting his material body. SB 1.9.32 Bhéñmadeva said: Let me now invest my thinking, feeling and willing, which were so long engaged in different subjects and occupational duties, in the all-powerful Lord Çré Kåñëa. He is always self-satisfied, but sometimes, being the leader of the devotees, He enjoys transcendental pleasure by descending on the material world, although from Him only the material world is created. SB 1.9.33 Çré Kåñëa is the intimate friend of Arjuna. He has appeared on this earth in His transcendental body, which resembles the bluish color of the tamäla tree. His body attracts everyone in the three planetary systems [upper, middle and lower]. May His glittering yellow dress and His lotus face, covered with paintings of sandalwood pulp, be the object of my attraction, and may I not desire fruitive results. SB 1.9.34 On the battlefield [where Çré Kåñëa attended Arjuna out of friendship], the flowing hair of Lord Kåñëa turned ashen due to the dust raised by the hoofs of the horses. And because of His labor, beads of sweat wetted His face. All these decorations, intensified by the wounds dealt by my sharp arrows, were enjoyed by Him. Let my mind thus go unto Çré Kåñëa. SB 1.9.35 In obedience to the command of His friend, Lord Çré Kåñëa entered the arena of the Battlefield of Kurukñetra between the soldiers of Arjuna and Duryodhana, and while there He shortened the life spans of the opposite party by His merciful glance. This was done simply by His looking at the enemy. Let my mind be fixed upon that Kåñëa. SB 1.9.36 When Arjuna was seemingly polluted by ignorance upon observing the soldiers and commanders before him on the battlefield, the Lord eradicated his ignorance by delivering transcendental knowledge. May His lotus feet always remain the object of my attraction. SB 1.9.37 Fulfilling my desire and sacrificing His own promise, He got down from the chariot, took up its wheel, and ran towards me hurriedly, just as a lion goes to kill an elephant. He even dropped His outer garment on the way. SB 1.9.38 May He, Lord Çré Kåñëa, the Personality of Godhead, who awards salvation, be my ultimate destination. On the battlefield He charged me, as if angry because of the wounds dealt by my sharp arrows. His shield was scattered, and His body was smeared with blood due to the wounds. SB 1.9.39 At the moment of death, let my ultimate attraction be to Çré Kåñëa, the Personality of Godhead. I concentrate my mind upon the chariot driver of Arjuna who stood with a whip in His right hand and a bridle rope in His left, who was very careful to give protection to Arjuna's chariot by all means. Those who saw Him on the Battlefield of Kurukñetra attained their original forms after death.
PURPORT A pure devotee of the Lord constantly sees the presence of the Lord within himself because of being transcendentally related by loving service. Such a pure devotee cannot forget the Lord for a moment. This is called trance. The mystic (yogé) tries to concentrate upon the Supersoul by controlling the senses from all other engagements, and thus he ultimately attains samädhi. A devotee more easily attains samädhi, or trance, by constantly remembering the Lord's personal feature along with His holy name, fame, pastimes, etc. Therefore, the concentration of the mystic yogé and that of the devotee are not on the same level. The concentration of the mystic is mechanical, whereas that of the pure devotee is natural in pure love and spontaneous affection. Bhéñmadeva was a pure devotee, and as a military marshal he constantly remembered the battlefield feature of the Lord as Pärtha-särathi, the chariot driver of Arjuna. Therefore, the Lord's pastime as Pärtha-särathi is also eternal. The pastimes of the Lord, beginning from His birth at the prison house of Kaàsa up to the mausala-lélä at the end, all move one after another in all the universes, just as the clock hand moves from one point to another. And in such pastimes His associates like the Päëòavas and Bhéñma are constant eternal companions. So Bhéñmadeva never forgot the beautiful feature of the Lord as Pärtha-särathi, which even Arjuna could not see. Arjuna was behind the beautiful Pärtha-särathi while Bhéñmadeva was just in front of the Lord. As far as the military feature of the Lord is concerned, Bhéñmadeva observed this with more relish than Arjuna. All the soldiers and persons on the Battlefield of Kurukñetra attained their original spiritual form like the Lord after their death because by the causeless mercy of the Lord they were able to see Him face to face on that occasion. The conditioned souls rotating in the evolutionary cycle from the aquatics up to the form of Brahmä are all in the form of mäyä, or the form obtained by one's own actions and awarded by material nature. The material forms of the conditioned souls are all foreign dresses, and when the conditioned soul becomes liberated from the clutches of material energy, he attains his original form. The impersonalist wants to attain the impersonal Brahman effulgence of the Lord, but that is not at all congenial to the living sparks, parts and parcels of the Lord. Therefore, the impersonalists again fall down and get material forms, which are all false to the spirit soul. A spiritual form like the Lord's, either two-handed or four-handed, is attained by the devotees of the Lord either in the Vaikuëöhas or in the Goloka planet, according to the original nature of the soul. This form, which is cent percent spiritual, is the svarüpa of the living being, and all the living beings who participated on the Battlefield of Kurukñetra, on both sides, attained their svarüpa, as confirmed by Bhéñmadeva. So Lord Çré Kåñëa was not merciful only to the Päëòavas; He was also merciful to the other parties because all of them attained the same result. Bhéñmadeva wanted the same facility also, and that was his prayer to the Lord, although his position as an associate of the Lord is assured in all circumstances. The conclusion is that whoever dies looking on the Personality of Godhead within or without attains his svarüpa, which is the highest perfection of life. SB 1.9.40 Let my mind be fixed upon Lord Çré Kåñëa, whose motions and smiles of love attracted the damsels of Vrajadhäma [the gopés]. The damsels imitated the characteristic movements of the Lord [after His disappearance from the räsa dance]. SB 1.9.41 At the Räjasüya-yajïa [sacrifice] performed by Mahäräja Yudhiñöhira, there was the greatest assembly of all the elite men of the world, the royal and learned orders, and in that great assembly Lord Çré Kåñëa was worshiped by one and all as the most exalted Personality of Godhead. This happened during my presence, and I remembered the incident in order to keep my mind upon the Lord. SB 1.9.42 Now I can meditate with full concentration upon that one Lord, Çré Kåñëa, now present before me because now I have transcended the misconceptions of duality in regard to His presence in everyone's heart, even in the hearts of the mental speculators. He is in everyone's heart. The sun may be perceived differently, but the sun is one. SB 1.9.43 Süta Gosvämé said: Thus Bhéñmadeva merged himself in the Supersoul, Lord Çré Kåñëa, the Supreme Personality of Godhead, with his mind, speech, sight and actions, and thus he became silent, and his breathing stopped.
PURPORT The stage attained by Bhéñmadeva while quitting his material body is called nirvikalpa-samädhi because he merged his self into thinking of the Lord and his mind into remembering His different activities. He chanted the glories of the Lord, and by his sight he began to see the Lord personally present before him, and thus all his activities became concentrated upon the Lord without deviation. This is the highest stage of perfection, and it is possible for everyone to attain this stage by practice of devotional service. The devotional service of the Lord consists of nine principles of service activities, and they are (1) hearing, (2) chanting, (3) remembering, (4) serving the lotus feet, (5) worshiping, (6) praying, (7) executing the orders, (8) fraternizing, and (9) fully surrendering. Any one of them or all of them are equally competent to award the desired result, but they require to be practiced persistently under the guidance of an expert devotee of the Lord. The first item, hearing, is the most important item of all, and therefore hearing of the Bhagavad-gétä and, later on, Çrémad-Bhägavatam is essential for the serious candidate who wants to attain the stage of Bhéñmadeva at the end. The unique situation at Bhéñmadeva's time of death can be attained, even though Lord Kåñëa may not be personally present. His words of the Bhagavad-gétä or those of Çrémad-Bhägavatam are identical with the Lord. They are sound incarnations of the Lord, and one can fully utilize them to be entitled to attain the stage of Çré Bhéñmadeva, who was one of the eight Vasus. Every man or animal must die at a certain stage of life, but one who dies like Bhéñmadeva attains perfection, and one who dies forced by the laws of nature dies like an animal. That is the difference between a man and an animal. The human form of life is especially meant for dying like Bhéñmadeva. SB 1.9.44 Knowing that Bhéñmadeva had merged into the unlimited eternity of the Supreme Absolute, all present there became silent like birds at the end of the day. SB 1.9.45 Thereafter, both men and demigods sounded drums in honor, and the honest royal order commenced demonstrations of honor and respect. And from the sky fell showers of flowers. SB 1.9.46 O descendant of Bhågu [Çaunaka], after performing funeral rituals for the dead body of Bhéñmadeva, Mahäräja Yudhiñöhira was momentarily overtaken with grief. As a devotee of the Lord, he knew that the Lord's devotee cannot be vanquished at any time. Mahäräja Yudhiñöhira was quite aware of all these good wishes of Bhéñmadeva, and therefore he must have been feeling the great separation. He was sorry for the separation of a great soul, and not for the material body which Bhéñmadeva relinquished. The funeral ceremony was a necessary duty, although Bhéñmadeva was a liberated soul. Since Bhéñmadeva was without issue, the eldest grandson, namely Mahäräja Yudhiñöhira, was the rightful person to perform this ceremony. It was a great boon to Bhéñmadeva that an equally great son of the family undertook the last rites of a great man. This is an important message regarding His Holiness, Bhakti-tirtha Swami.We are sad to inform you that his Holiness Bhakti-tirtha Swami departed this world at 3:40PM EDT on Monday, June 27, 2005 in Gita Nagari. You may check www.btswami.com or the B.T. Swami List for moreinformation. Please inform disciples and well-wishers in your area. Hare Krishna Your servants, The Caregivers of Bhakti-tirtha Swami
The Psychology behind Asaucham by Pt Jaya Tirtha Charan dasa
Paradoxically the scenario we find ourselves in at this time is the most sensitive, and yet the most opportune for hearing the philosophy of Krishna consciousness.
We’re hurting, missing loved one’s and need to find genuine resolve.
I hope you don’t find this too long winded, as it comes to you from some years of experience in dealing with these matters as a priest, and counselor, and one who has lost many close and dear ones.
As you may know the entire structure of our philosophy is designed to help revert us wandering jiva souls back to our constitutional position as eternal servants of the Lord at each and every conjunction or maturational point of our conditioned sojourn here.
The purpose being to open our eyes to who we are, who those around us are, what is our purpose in being here, and what is our goal taking it that we’re disjointed eternal servants of Krishna away from our spiritual homeland. At each of these junctions of conditioned life (birth, childhood, growth, youth, bi-product stage – marriage) teleological free will is given for us to resolve the situation or for us to remain here in the world, caught with what is for some another unresolved issue.
Irrespective of whom we are, or what we’re doing at this time, to progress on the path back to Godhead a change of heart must take place. As eternal spiritual beings in a temporary situation we’re out of sync’. Most of us have had countless births here, each time having family, friends and so on. During these times we form all kinds of attachments, some good some not so good. How we react, to those things which present themselves has more of an impact often that an event in itself. Srila Prabhupada would use the example of a knife, in the hands of an expert surgeon it can do the greatest good, or in the hand of a maniac it can bring the greatest harm, so we cannot blame or thank the knife. Similarly the lessons we learn are in direct relation to how we react to incidences that happen in our lives, that we are destined to have to undergo, the results of which leave impressions on us which we carry with us. According to our individual natures’, karmas, and realization we interact in the world, and as a result we find ourselves taking shelter in various directives.
That’s like an overview of the process.
Dealing with the changes at those junctions determines how we move on, and the level of enlightenment by which we do it. The Vedic culture has a support system for such events that we call asaucham.
In that way the process of following the asaucham period is not some dry ritual or imposition upon us. It very is practical, dynamic and resolving.
Having said that, if we are spiritual beings then some might question why are we mourning someone who has passed on, and that is a fair question. The fact is, as devotees, and understanding the nature of the soul as eternal, we do not lament for the passing of the jiva, but for the association that we are now bereft of. That is why we need to come together and appreciate that we have strength in our mutual love and eternal bond with our fellow devotees. However, due to the bodily temporal situation there has to be closure, and resolve.
Loving family members have interacted and cared for their daughter/son/mother/father et al. So much personal sacrifice has been done. Prabhupada often glorified devotee’s parents for doing such a nice job in bringing them up, to help them/us come to Krishna consciousness.
Ordinarily many of us would find it an unlikely option to even be in the same room as each other due to material birth, background, nature, education, and interests. But here you see devotees, and that needs to be emphasized, devotees who have been through all walks of life, and become purified by coming in contact with the lotus eyed Lord, even the family members are devotees in the broadest sense, devoted to their loved one. So we’re all devotees here, and these relationships are not ordinary. Rather we understand from our philosophy that anything spiritual is ongoing and thus, by definition eternal.
The system we’re undergoing is for preservation of our spiritual status, and thus not ordinary. Let’s try to understand what is happening here, and by so doing accept the help of the great Acharyas, the previous spiritual masters, who themselves have traversed this path.
It’s such a tragedy for someone to lose a family member or friend, or guru who they have just known a few short years. It’s difficult, and for the devotee to lose such a devotional inspiration, an intimate friend, and confidant, it may seem difficult to go on. Many doubts, fears, so many things may present themselves. Especially in the first few days after a dear one has passed on, the emotions are heightened and the survivors are traumatized into various degrees of shock, and disbelief, which are natural mechanisms to protect the bereaved from intense reactions.
It’s to be noted that in this initial phase survivors often feel lost, dazed and confused. Shortness of breath, tightness in the chest and throat, nausea, and a feeling of emptiness in the gut are common. As the awareness of loss takes hold from the initial shock, sometimes survivors experience further symptoms of denial: maybe they got the wrong name, wrong person, wrong information, ...they couldn’t have gone, etc.
Even in the pre-occupational absorption in thoughts of the departed there may be bouts of anger toward the person, toward providence, and even toward God. These are irrational times; consequently such things are not taken seriously as offensive.
Due to the variables among different classes of individuals and communities (Brahmin, kshatriya, vaishya and sudra), according to their nature and philosophical ability to understand and respond to what has happened, the scripture gives estimated time lapses for initial recovery. It makes sense, and with help from our "Joint Family" you/we can do things properly with full attention to detail, that otherwise, with so much to have to deal with anyway, might not be done. Although this may be a practical time period, it is not legislative of a set recovery time as often one will experience grieving sometimes 6 months or longer.
I remember when my father passed on, at first I doubted it, and was forced to come to terms with it. He was a good man, good provider, looked after us, and gave everything, working three jobs simultaneously. I never wanted for anything, so it seemed. Good a man as he was, he couldn’t keep me on the straight and narrow. It was only after finding Srila Prabhupada and adopting his life-style that my life truly changed for the better, so when Srila Prabhupada passed on in 1977 the shock, you can imagine, was unparalleled. So many of us struggled to come to terms with what had happened, most of us had no idea of what to do, and were lost thinking it all finished.
Today in some ways we are so fortunate in that we have mature God brothers and God sisters to help us in such times, who are experienced beyond material qualifications in helping us through such traumatic times - this is our Joint Family, of spiritual uncles, aunts, nephews and nieces, brothers and sisters, Krishna prasada, Krishna's devotees.
The structure behind what we’re doing here is that through honest grieving multiple things come to the surface; our love for the departed, and also how much they loved us, and gave to us. As survivors we often mentally go over and over the things we’d done together and the pain and grief becomes intolerably intense. Desperation, thoughts of how we can go on without him/her/them preoccupy our thoughts to such a degree that insomnia, fatigue and loss of appetite are common, some have even died from such intense separation - as we remember from our devotional history; Maharaj Dasarath, Hadai Pandit, father of Lord Nityananda.
To begin the healing, the natural mechanism of remembering and discussing in conversation with others the things one did together, and all the treasured good that the departed gave to us is very important. The little things, much of what we took for granted. This is a natural part of the healthy transition from the initial grieving phase through to practical healing.
Relapses into denial are also common, (and natural); where survivors still hope against hope that their loved ones are still alive as they remember them. Sometimes, survivors may hear a voice of the departed, or see their face before them (not only in dreams, but also in waking), or feel their presence in familiar places they’d shared. Even calling out of the person’s name is not uncommon….. All of these are quite natural, and it’s good for us to know that we’re all undergoing similar symptoms of loss.
As these feelings are allowed to surface and are sympathetically dealt with in the association of fellow god-brothers, god-sisters, friends, family members and so on, one can tangibly perceive a change evolving. Things move from being centered about me and my loss as we become more philosophically liberated by good association.
During this final phase one comes to terms with what has tragically happened through the support of the Joint family or extended family of friends and well wishers – of like minded, soft hearted and sensitive souls. We begin to use the philosophy to resume daily activities and look toward the future. When memories of the departed come to us, they bring fond feelings mingled with sadness, rather than sharp pain and longing.
For instance, a devotee still misses their beloved Guru, god-brother, god-sister, friend or family member, but one knows that life must go on, and now reflects on how that person who we loved so dearly would want us to act in the world.
Often this brings a seriousness and strength to please and share with others as we go to the much needed closure, of acceptance of what has happened. Having dealt with our great loss we have made a tangible resolve leading us to gradual recovery.
Of course we know the bitter-sweet taste will remain. Srila Prabhupada wrote the following to his dear disciple undergoing a similar trauma:
“So on one side we have to be very sorry if our dear friends are taken away from this world, and on the other side we should be satisfied that a pure devotee is never lost. He gets another good chance to cultivate Krishna Consciousness, or if one is advanced he goes back to Home, back to Godhead. But even if it is taken that a devotee is not mature, we should be confident that he will take birth in a rich or devotional family. ….So let us pray for the departed souls that they may be engaged again in Krishna's service.” (Srila A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupada. 15th November 1971. Letter to Patita Uddharna dasa regarding the death of Jananirvas dasa, Delhi)
In this regard, for ordinary persons engaged in the karmic world of fruitive exchange, there are so many obligations that need to be fulfilled. Certain ceremonies or Shraddhas are required to enable the soul to move on. But according to scripture and the examples of Srila Advaita Acharya, Sri Chaitanya Mahaprabhu, and Haridas Thakur (Srila A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupada. Srimad Bhagavatam 4:21:41 purport) better than ritual offerings into the fire at this time, is that of glorifying the Lord and His devotees, invoking the favor of the devotees toward the departed by feeding the devotees Krishna prasadam.
As we remember, year after year, on the Tirubhav mahotsav (disappearance day anniversary) the wonderful qualities and activities of the Vaishnavas, we all grow from strength to strength. Sharing and reflecting back with appreciation and gratitude on how their short time with us so affected and bettered our quality of life and understanding of our relationship with the Lord and His devotees.
So it’s no accident that we follow a Vaishnava Calendar full of such wonderful devotional examples to share, it is part of the wholesome structure of Vaishnava culture. Even in the modern times we have experience of devotees who, quite rightly so, have risen to near Sainthood:- Jayananda prabhu, Puri prabhu, Gour Govinda maharaj, Mother Gauri, Tribhuvanath prabhu, George Harrison prabhu, …..So many. Now we add Tamal Krishna maharaj, and Vrindavanesvari mataji to that hall of fame.
The most amazing thing is, that by our soul searching into how we will ever go on without such souls, the resolve is that in fact we are never without them.
This to me is part of the meaning that: “Vaishnavas never die, when living still in sound………..”
We may look in this place or that for a leader, a Messiah and guide, as so many of us do, but factually they are all around us. Unfortunately familiarity makes us contemptuous and we regretfully miss out in appreciating the great souls who walk among us, often until it’s too late.
At this time let us learn some serious lessons, take heed from the great personal sacrifice these devotees have made, and then in their fine and saintly example let’s extend that, to see the potential in everyone, adorned with the wonderful attributes each and every one of you has.
Let us ponder as we go through our daily life, as events unfold, "What would ...................want me to do in such a situation?" And in that way go on.
In the future, performance of these rites of passage for each and every one of us will be done, and the glories of the exalted, simple hearted devotees, who paid the price, who crossed the line, who made their commitment to the Lord will be sung.
Such and such prabhu for his dedication to …….this mataji for her welcoming motherly simplicity, another for…….. well, just look around the room, so many wonderful devotees. There’s no question of this being exclusive to one ashram or even gender.
Such wonderful personifications of devotional Vaishnava culture are not limited to any material designation. A pure or purified devotee can come from anywhere, and so often does.
As for me, sadly I reflect and see myself as unworthy, foolishly proud and impure personality, who stands before you, yet now, even though a little late have some understanding of the influence potential and inspiration of those whose association we now lament.
Let us utilize their great example, their life struggles, their over coming challenges, their gifts of love and their inspirational teaching, let us utilize all those examples as we reflect on the impact their association made on our lives. Let then, keeping their association go on from that point, in loving appreciation and fulfill their desires by the positive and tangible way we go on from now.
Oh Vaishnava Thakur (and Thakurani) please bless us that we may become as you have become, a credit to Guru, to Krishna, and to the Vaishnava community.
I humbly beg to remain at your lotus like feet, reformed and ready to go on. Yhs, Jaya Tirtha Charan dasa
Tribhuvanesvari devi dasi, ACBSP ‘74
Despite all her brave efforts to heal herself, shortly after Christmas 1993, Tribhuvanesvari-devi dasi was admitted to hospital in great pain. Cancer had spread throughout her body. She had only a short time to live. As her present life was drawing to a close, her next life was manifesting. Thin, white, bald, draped in a simple hospital gown, she looked for all the world like an enlightened Vedic sage. She talked about spending her days meditating in beautiful Himalayan Valleys. She spoke spontaneously of devotional activities, "I have to go and prepare the prasadam." "Is it time for mangala arotik?" "Ask Dikshavati about the deity clothes." She was in and out of consciousness and for those who sat with her, even for a few minutes, she exuded a powerful spiritual presence.
The day before her death, she somehow managed to sit. There were a number of devotee ladies in the room, and some were engaged in frivolous conversations. According to Gayatri devi,Tribhuvanesvari, exhibiting the anger of Lord Narasinghadeva, stood up and exclaimed, "Get out....all of you, get out!........You have no idea what is going on here."
The day before her death, the hospital moved Tribhuvanesvari to a larger, more attractive room to accommodate all the visitors. There were so many phone calls, the hospital switchboard was complaining. Devotee friends decorated her new room like a temple. Pictures, garlands, tulasi plants, books, tapes, incense, maha prasadam filled the room.
In the middle of a clear, sunny Wednesday afternoon, January 12, 1994, a Godsister and close friend of Tribhuv, Manjari dasi, arrived from Hawaii. Manjari bathed Tribhuv, and put clean clothes and fresh tilak on her. A little while later, Tribhuvanesvari's eyes opened very wide and she looked as thought she were fixed on something far off. She was silent but moved her mouth as if trying to say something. A nurse came in and after a careful examination, confided, "She has only an hour to live." At that time, a special delivery package arrived from Alachua. In it was a deity garland and a picture of Krishna's lotus feet. A devotee put the garland around Tribhuvanesvari's head and placed the picture of Krishna's feet directly before her gaze.
The room was filled with devotees, friends and family. At her side, her husband picked up a mrdanga and began a beautiful, melodious kirtan. Everyone joined in, while others chanted auspicious prayers and mantras, or recited the Bhagavatam. Caranamrita and holy water from the Jamuna, Ganga, Radha Kunda and Govinda Kunda were sprinkled on her head, along with sacred dust from holy places of pilgrimage. According to the direction of Shastra, a tulasi leaf was placed on her tongue, forehead and ears, and a tulasi plant was placed at either side of her head. Numerous deity garlands decorated her neck. Her children, Gita and Devesha, wrote the holy names of Ram and Krishna on her body with Gopi Chandan. Amidst this wonderful devotional setting, Tribhuvanesvari slowly, and painlessly left her body. As the kirtan reached a glorious crescendo, she breathed her last, one finale exhale and her soul was free. Gaura premananda. Hari hari bol! Tribhuvanesvari devi ki jaya!
Three weeks ago, in the back of an old sketch pad, I found this poem. It was written by Tribhuvanesvari in July, 1992, just three days before she discovered she had cancer. It expresses very nicely the heart of this sincere devotee and gives us a glimpse of the great destination she set out on just 18 months later.
Upon the winds of change, my mask transforms.To take on yet another, for my soul's journey reform.A dream - a drama - a passing - at best.I will to will thy will - and put my ego to rest.
When will my Lord see me fit?To give up my addiction to it?When will the winds of fortune find me?Renounced, clear, happy, truly free?
Can this goodness a reality be?Only by that mercy of purityin taking the names in sincerity,Chanting being the means and the end,I beg to capture this mighty trend.
In God's hands I lay my tiny soul.A hope. A prayer. He makes me whole.
OM TAT SAT
July, 1992 - Tribhuvanesvari devi dasi
[From In Memoriam website http://www.iskcon.net/inmemoriam/devotees/d_Tribuv.htmlml
Memories of Aradhya dasi’s passing
Aradhya dasi, disciple of Srila Prabhupada, devoted wife of Pitavasa prabhu and loving mother to Daksina dasi, left this world on Mon., Sept. 27, 2004 on the disappearance day of Srila Haridas Thakur at 9:16 p.m. She and her family had been living in Prabhupada Village in Sandy Ridge, NC for the last 4-5 years. Aradhya prabhu had been ill with a chronic cough for many months and one month prior to her leaving, found out she had cancer that was already in many areas of her body and was quite advanced. Pitavasa prabhu did everything he could through natural methods, which was what she also wanted, and although she had made some progress in her health, her condition drastically worsened a few days before she departed. I would like to share my experiences as I spent practically every moment with her in her last few days.
Thurs., Sept. 23 – Aradhya prabhu’s condition suddenly took a turn for the worse and Pitavasa prabhu was finally able to reach Kamra dasi (a godsister who lives here and who has many natural healing skills). By the time she arrived at their home, Aradhya prabhu had almost left and she was aware of this. Kamra prabhu managed to bring her pulse down, but it was difficult to stabilize her so they decided to call an ambulance and take her to the hospital to see if anything further could be done to help her. The paramedics immediately put her on oxygen. Though she did not want to go to the hospital, her husband hoped the doctors could stabilize her and she could then return home to prepare for leaving her body. Once in the hospital, she firmly insisted that no drugs, especially morphine, be administered. At this point, the doctors said only ¼ of her lungs were working; they were filled with liquid which put pressure on her heart. It was decided to try to drain her lungs the next day but that there was the danger of heart failure. They said even if they did that, the lungs would again fill up and therefore gave her no more than 3 days to live. I learned of all of this after Aradhya prabhu had been taken to the hospital and it wasn’t until late evening that I learned about how much time she had to live. At this point, I knew that I wanted to be with her and serve her until the very end. I decided to sleep on it and then make phone calls the next day.
Fri., Sept. 24, Ekadasi – I was on the phone all day informing the devotees in the community and in different parts of the country and world of Aradhya prabhu’s situation as well as tried to make sure everything was covered from prasadam to kirtans. It was at this time I really began to appreciate how Srila Prabhupada had given us a world-wide family and how wonderful that was! Pitavasa prabhu kept me informed of Aradhya prabhu’s condition and said they were going to do a procedure that would drain only some of the liquid as it was too difficult to get to all of the many small pockets of fluid. It was a precarious situation because of the effect on her heart. Understanding this, the devotees immediately went to the hospital to have kirtan. During this time, I stayed on the phone and was able to connect with Bhakti Caru Maharaja with whom Aradhya and Pitavasa prabhus had a long-standing relationship. Unable to call the hospital, he relayed a very loving and concerned message through me to her; Pitavasa prabhu held the phone up to her ear as I told her what Maharaja had said. She was very deeply appreciative. Indradyumna Maharaja also called her from Russia and spoke at length with her. It meant so very much to her. The procedure went well (she would still have to remain on oxygen) and before Pitavasa prabhu brought her home, Aradhya prabhu, well-aware of the fact that she would leave her body soon, told her husband she wanted Daksina and him to her ashes put in the Yamuna. They arrived home around 7 p.m. and when I walked in, the atmosphere reminded me of when Srila Prabhupada was getting ready to depart. The room was peaceful and the devotees were sitting around her bed having beautiful bhajans. I had brought Srila Prabhupada’s shoes with me and placed them on her head. She brought her weak arms up and grabbing them, held them to her head and face. They remained at her head the whole time. She was completely conscious but was speaking small words and only as much as necessary. After a while Pitavasa prabhu thanked the devotees and asked them to leave in order to give Aradhya prabhu some time to rest. I stayed for quite a while; I was concerned – when would she leave? That could happen at any time and so I decided to speak with her and chant. She told me then she was ready to leave and I could see she was preparing for that final moment; she had an incredible fixity of mind and an incredible and determined fighting spirit.
Before I go any further, I would like to express how absolutely honored I felt to be in her presence, that I felt so fortunate to be able to render some small service. And what transpired over the next few days was something I had never experienced before. I have close relationships with some of my godsisters, but the relationship that developed between Aradhya prabhu and myself became deeply intimate and profound – we were teaming up for the final lesson – I, the servitor, she the teacher. Actually, Harivilas prabhu had expressed what a wonderful teacher she was and I said, yes, but she was especially teaching us how to leave this body.
Sat., Sept. 25 – Lord Vamanadeva’s and Jiva Goswami’s appearance day – Late last night at home, I spoke extensively with a hospice friend of ours and I found out more information as to what we needed to do to keep Aradhya prabhu comfortable. It was very kind of her as she took out special time to meet with Harakanta prabhu and myself at Aradhya prabhu’s at 9 a.m. We learned how to take care of all of her physical needs. When Daksina did her mother’s hair, I couldn’t believe it – she looked exactly like that picture of Draupadi surrendering to Lord Krsna when Dusasana was trying to disrobe her! Aradhya prabhu’s sister, Carol, and nephew, Nathan, were now here; my husband, Sivananda prabhu, had picked them up in the middle of the night. Carol was a huge help; she helped with all kinds of paper work, etc. Nathan had many times visited with Aradhya prabhu and family and was quite favorable. Her brother, Steve, who was also quite favorable, and others arrived later in the day. They were all very supportive. I believe it was early this morning when Aradhya prabhu woke Pitavasa prabhu at 4 a.m. as he slept on the floor next to her bed and told him it was time for mangala artik (she had no watch and had no way of knowing the time). She directed him in offering artik and then instructed him, step-by-step, in performing the puja for her Deities that she was so very attached to. (For the past several months, she could only engage in manasa puja, worship within her mind.) She constantly asked if he were washing off the flowers. This day she spoke only when spoken to and with only a word or two at a time. She, with the help of her sister, made sure all of the paper work was taken care of and she was finishing up all of her “last minute business”. In the late morning, I asked if she would like to hear the story of the appearance of Lord Vamanadeva – she was very eager. I reminded her of the time she gave these wonderful classes on the mahajanas some time ago and how we begged her to give more classes but she humbly declined. These were actually from some of the many childrens’ stories she had been working on. She wanted to hear only the translations but at one point, when the word “test” from one of the purports caught my eye, I told her I was going to read it to her. Here Srila Prabhupada explained that Bali Maharaja had passed the severe test put before him by the Supreme Personality of Godhead, that this was further proof of the Lord’s mercy toward His devotee. And that sometimes Krsna puts a devotee to severe tests that are almost unbearable. He appreciates the devotee’s forbearance and records that for further glorification. Krsna gives the test and also the strength to tolerate such adversity. I read this to her twice. Krsna couldn’t have shown us a more perfect purport! Though I had to leave the room for a moment, she eagerly awaited hearing the end – she even asked her husband to come get me and finish the story. She was so happy at the end of the story. When I spoke to her about how Bali Maharaja passed his test and now how she was being given the final test and that Krsna would give her the strength to pass this test, she did a “thumbs up”. I had to laugh. This moment reminded me of Aradhya prabhu’s great sense of humor which I saw often during the years. But, now the wit and humor were turned into sobriety. She was definitely dhira. In light of this, I can say she never, not once, said a word about her condition. Only once when I asked her if she were in pain did she nod yes. Some time after the reading, she looked at me and said, “up” and I asked, “Put the bed up?” (She was in a hospital bed brought by the hospice.) She said, “No” and motioned that she wanted to sit up. Grabbing for the bedrails, one in each hand, she slowly pulled herself up while I helped from behind. She had far more strength than I! When she sat up, she slowly pulled her legs into yoga position, crossing them on the bed. I laughed and told her I didn’t know she was such a yogi! But, inside, I was understanding that she actually was a yogi: yoginam api sarvesam. A little while later, her husband brought over her Krsna Balarama silas and she very slowly folded her hands in pranams. It was at this point I felt it was time to begin more steady chanting and preaching to her. We spent a lot of time alone and, from time-to-time, different devotees would come in and read to her or have a few bhajans. Her husband also came in and fed her some grapes and papaya. It made him so happy to see her eat something for during these last days she hardly ate or drank. I urged her, encouraged her to chant either out loud or in her mind, to fix her mind. Throughout the next days, I told her one of the things that Bhakti Caru Maharaja had said: “The gates to the spiritual world are opening up for you. Take advantage of this.” A few times during the day, I asked her if her consciousness were fixed and she said, “No”, and she slowly reached for my hand, took it in hers and asked, “Help me.” This happened about 3 times. She completely endeared me to her. During some of the bhajans later on, as I urged her to chant, she did so. It was so wonderful seeing her mouth move in time to the chanting. I told her that this body was finished, now it was time to give all attachments up to Krsna, that Krsna and Srila Prabhupada would help her, give her protection. That night, her daughter, Daksina, who has the voice of a demigoddess, like her mother, lead some beautiful bhajans. I will add here that, following in the footsteps of her father, Pitavasa prabhu, and her mother, Daksina was very controlled and focused. I deeply admire her for this was an extremely difficult time for her. More devotees came for bhajans and at one point, while Pitavasa prabhu was chanting at her side, Aradhya prabhu put her arms around his neck and pulled him near her. He chanted the names of her favorite Deities: Sri Sri Radha-Paris Isvara, etc. and it was at this time that she asked him to let her go. As the night wore on, I chanted near her ear; I could see that her health was quickly deteriorating. I believe I went home for a short while but quickly returned upon a concerned call from Pitavasa prabhu. I know that at some point he and I made a pact – that either he or someone else would always be chanting by her side if I were not there with her. Saturday evening turned into Sunday morning and, we had a small version of the morning program and passed around invisible ghee lamps.
Sun., Sept. 26 – Srila Bhaktivinode Thakur’s appearance day – Aradhya prabhu spoke a lot less and Arci prabhu fed her fruits and also liquid from a dropper off and on through the day as did Daksina. Morning was the time the women bathed her and as we usually did, asked her permission. When I inquired, she said no, but when Pitavasa prabhu personally came in and said she’d feel better, she said yes. After a few minutes I understood why this happened: she was a chaste wife and wanted to please her husband. Arci prabhu stayed with her the day and night and into the next day as well. By early afternoon, I realized I was beyond exhaustion and was encouraged to get some sleep. Seeing that someone would be with her, I went and took a few hours sleep. During the time I was gone, Astasakhi prabhu sang the beautiful prayers of Srila Bhaktivinode Thakur and their purports. Before my return, I went before the Deities and prayed to please make me an instrument, that I didn’t know what to do, what not to do, what to say, what not to say. When I returned, I quietly asked in her ear if she wanted me to stay and she said yes. At this point, seeing that she was becoming more internalized, I felt that I need not say much more – it was between her and Krsna now. Some time later, I asked if her consciousness were fixed, and although she had responded very little during the day, she slowly but briefly nodded yes. I felt reassured. There was small bhajan through the night and I continued to chant in her ear. I kind of laughed to myself as she really put me to work – all-in-all she had me chanting for 4-5 days continuously! I had to completely focus my mind. Actually, because I could see a change in her breathing, I kept my eyes on her chest as I slowly and deliberately chanted in her ear. Only a few times did I verbally encourage her to focus her mind. I kept praying to Krsna to give me the strength to go on. Sunday turned into Monday as I continued chanting in her ear watching as her breathing continued to become more labored.
Mon., Sept. 27 – Srila Haridas Thakur’s appearance day – Daksina dressed her mother’s Deities very beautifully this morning. I could now see the signs that this would be Aradhya prabhu’s last day with us as her breathing had become increasingly difficult. This was confirmed by the hospice representative who came out. She said, “I may be wrong, but it could be from a few hours to midnight tonight.” She said that generally right near the end, the patient becomes panicky, restless and anxious but in Aradhya prabhu’s case, being the devotee she was, she was completely the opposite – peaceful and controlled. Such a contrast! At this stage, Aradhya prabhu was no longer responding externally but lay there hardly moving – and I knew she was in great pain. My body, being in an awkward position for so many days, was in agony from leaning over and trying to reach her ear, but as I thought of how Aradhya prabhu was feeling – and I really didn’t understand – I felt ashamed, that my pain was nothing. I could see I certainly was not transcendental to the bodily aches and pains. I again prayed for the strength to go on and endure. Krsna was kind – I have the tendency to push myself and I found that I was able to use this ability to be with Aradhya prabhu all these days. And even though I found that I nodded out a few times, I awoke to find myself chanting just as audibly and clearly as before! I was amazed at how Krsna was holding me together. There were some bhajans off and on during the day, but in the late afternoon I asked someone to please call around and ask everyone to come; the time was coming nearer. A couple of times I encouraged her to focus her mind on the holy name. Occasionally throughout the day, her arms would move almost in slow motion and a couple of times she put her hands together, fingers clasped together, on her stomach as if she were doing yoga. But, I don’t really know. Some time later, while I was chanting in her ear, her left arm came up and her hand rested on my face. I immediately felt she was thanking me. She did it again and this time I felt she was thanking me for our friendship. Again, a third time, we both laughed – she had really put me to work! I must say that although I’m a very emotional person, I kept myself in check this whole time lest I create some disturbance for her. But, this time it was so hard; I almost broke down – I felt so deeply touched by her love and gratitude. I had to do some deep breathing to let those emotions go. I really have no idea if she meant anything by it, but that’s what I deeply felt. As early evening approached, I knew it was a matter of hours; the symptoms were there. Although I could not see because my eyes were focused on her chest, I could hear the room fill up with more and more voices of sweet kirtan. Pitavasa prabhu was chanting a good amount of the time in her other ear. I just kept chanting slowly, carefully, deliberately in her ear. I was beginning to hear the congestion in her lungs. Obviously they were filling up for the final time. It was getting dark, the light was very dim, I could hardly see and so I focused my eyes on her open mouth so I could watch her breathing while I continued to chant in her ear. I prayed to Krsna to please give me the strength to the end – I was beyond exhaustion. I felt like Arjuna when he had fixed his mind on the eye of the fish he was trying to pierce. And, in my exhaustion, I mentally told Aradhya prabhu that she had beat me – she was working so hard to attain the goal and I had to struggle to keep up with her! I was practically hallucinating at this point. During these last hours I simultaneously chanted and prayed to Krsna that He please end her suffering and take her. I remember telling her a few times that it was getting close to the end, that it would be soon. As I watched her breathing slow down, and as she began to hold a few breaths, I knew that the final moment was just around the corner. Just at that moment, I was tapped on the shoulder and was told that Pitavasa prabhu wanted to speak with me. She was just about to leave! I was in such anxiety! Of course, the tape of Srila Prabhupada was still on although drowned out by an incredibly sweet kirtan and I knew it was all up to Krsna, but I had made a promise I would be there to the end. I asked Mamata prabhu to chant in her ear. I ran out to hear that the relatives wanted to say good-bye to her. I was distraught – Krsna, why now? Only 3 devotees were allowed to remain in the room chanting, the others could chant in the other room. I ran back in and resumed my position at her ear. One-by-one they came in, speaking in her ear. I just kept chanting in her ear and praying. I mentally told her to remain fixed, that maybe this was her final test and reminded myself that Krsna was the orchestrator, not I. (Later Pitavasa prabhu had told me that they wanted to tell her that it was ok, she could go.) I put myself fully into chanting as the kirtan swelled. Her breaths were being held more often and were further apart. The time was close.
At 9:16 p.m., on the disappearance day of Srila Haridas Thakur, she took her final breath surrounded by the holy name. She surprised me - I actually thought it would take a bit longer. I chanted a little more watching her chest to make sure there were no more breaths. She looked so serene. Pitavasa prabhu had leaned over to speak with someone at that time and when he found out she had left, he announced it and the kirtan became so tumultuous that the whole room shook. The floor felt as if it were going to cave in! I placed a Tulasi leaf from Lord Jagannath in Jagannath Puri and several Tulasi leaves from her Deities in her mouth. After the kirtan subsided, she was bathed and dressed and the devotees came in again for more kirtan. When I looked outside, it was raining, which, from my understanding, is auspicious when someone leaves.
I can honestly say her passing was so glorious. She was a real trooper. I saw her fixity of mind the whole time – you could feel it. She never complained and you would never have known her body was riddled with cancer. She just lay there and endured everything. She had dedicated her life to Srila Prabhupada, never wavered, was a chaste wife and devoted mother. As I put my head to her feet, I felt exhilarated but felt sad I would no longer have her association. Although I was able to render a little service, I felt she did the greater service – she gave me the opportunity to constantly remember Krsna. I’ve been given a great gift that’s now locked in my heart – and no one can take that away. Aradhya prabhu was very devoted to Srimati Tulasidevi – she always wanted to have her in her window so she could see her. She was an excellent teacher in every way, an excellent gardener, she loved her Deities and always thought of Sri Sri Radha-Paris Isvara, her favorite Deities.
Through all of this, Pitavasa prabhu and his daughter, Daksina remained strong and fixed and constantly took the opportunity to preach. They both served her in every way to see to her comfort and assisted her in her last days and, they, along with Aradhya prabhu, set a wonderful example of Krsna consciousness. I cannot imagine how difficult it was for Daksina, but I told her when her mother returned from the hospital that this would deepen her conviction in Krsna consciousness. I also feel 100% in my heart that Srila Prabhupada was pleased with our community as everyone put everything aside to serve in some wonderful capacity; it was like a puzzle with all of the pieces fitting perfectly together with Krsna orchestrating everything. We showed our love for him by how we co-operated. I also received some very extra-special mercy as a close godsister (who lives elsewhere and who didn’t know Aradhya prabhu had left) had a most wonderful dream with Srila Prabhupada and myself the night of Aradhya prabhu’s departure.
A feast was held in her honor on Thursday, Sept. 30. Pitavasa prabhu along with many other devotees spoke. Aradhya prabhu’s sister, brother and nephew and one of Daksina’s close friends also spoke and shared their profound realizations. Daksina spoke with such clarity and conviction – it was wonderful to hear.
And, so I just pray that when I leave, Aradhya prabhu will come and help me and again give me her association. Hare Krsna.
MadanMohanMohini dasi
Prabhupada Village
Oct. 1, 2004
Submitted by Manjari devi dasiJuly, 2004
Respected Vaisnavas,
On July 12, 2004 at 8:26 a.m., at the MVT in Vrindavana, our dear godsister and friend, Mula Prakriti, gloriously departed from this world. Last September, during a stay in Vrindavana, Mula was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. After a courageous battle with the disease, she returned in order to leave her body to this spiritual home Srila Prabhupada has given us all.
Those of you who know Mula Prakriti will remember the intensity with which she lived her life. She had a burning desire to serve Srila Prabhupada by preaching. She joined ISKCON in L.A. in 1973, and in the early years, shot to the top of the book distribution charts, distributing literally hundreds of thousands of books all over the United States and Japan and collecting millions of dollars for Srila Prabhupada’s projects. After the departure of Srila Prabhupada, Mula and her husband, Gopavrindapal, lived and raised their three children in California, Oregon, and the Big Island of Hawaii. There they initiated unique programs to develop spiritual communities and foster loving relationships between devotees. In each community in which they lived, Mula was a driving force in the creation of a gathering place for the devotee community. She and Gopa started and renovated several temples and in Ashland, Oregon, had a popular storefront preaching center named “Inquire Within.”
In more recent years, Mula’s abiding desire to act as a bridge between devotees blossomed as her horizon expanded to include the entire family of Gaudiya Vaishnavas. She began a book of interviews of people who knew Srila Prabhupada before he went to the West. She became inspired by Srila Narayan Maharaj, who understood her great sincerity and encouraged her desire to glorify Srila Prabhupada. She took her personal bhajan very seriously, arising every morning at 2 o’clock to chant – gradually coming to one lakh – and worship her Govardhana Shila. Mula also traveled widely and touched the lives of countless devotees with her sweet, loving exchanges; exemplary humility, and yearning for devotees to realize their common bonds. A storyteller par excellence, she enthralled her listeners with stories of Srila Prabhupada that we had never heard before.
When cancer struck, Mula sensed that it was her time to leave this world. However, she underwent various treatments until she could do no more. All the while, she kept her sense of humor, once writing to a friend, “So, if everything turns out all right (cancer in remission), I will be coming to Vrindavana in June or July. If it is not all right I will also be coming then. So I guess it is win-win for me!” Mula always felt that her real home was Vraj Dhama. She was so happy and relieved to have made it back for her final journey. Gopavrindapal recounts that as soon as they reached Kosi (the border of Braj), she breathed a great sigh and wept tears of joy.
Medically, Mula’s condition was a miracle. Although the cancer had metastasized into her liver, intestines and chest, once she reached Vrindavana, she suffered no pain. Liver cancer is generally excruciatingly painful. The strongest analgesic she took was occasional Tylenol for her fevers. She was also conscious until the end. In the last days, when she could no longer rise from the bed or open her eyes, she dictated corrections, additions and even one whole interview for her book. At times she confided that Srila Prabhupada was blessing her with profound experiences. Before she lost the strength to speak, she assured us she was chanting in her mind. Karta, Vaijayanti Mala and those who chanted with her noted her lips moving faintly in time with their chanting, her hands fingering japa mala even when there were no actual beads. Her last audible words were, “Hare Krishna.”
Mula’s book of interviews, “Our Srila Prabhupada, A Friend to All, early contemporaries remember him,” was her final offering to Srila Prabhupada. Although it was still in production when she arrived in Vrindavana, we were able to show her a sample copy, with the cover and chapter layout. The book remained at the head of her bed throughout her final days. We had very much wanted to include in it a picture of her with Srila Prabhupada, but she knew of only one such photo -- that was of Prabhupada in L.A. in which she is just a blur in the background. And she didn’t even have it. Ranjit, at the BBT Archives, searched but was unable to find anything. But shortly before Mula’s daughter, Nitya was to leave for India, Ranjit, while searching for a photo of someone else, came across a misplaced slide. This slide just happened to be picture of Srila Prabhupada giving darshan in the courtyard of the Krishna Balaram Mandir in 1975. A very young, serious Mula Prakriti is sitting near his feet. By the time the picture was brought to Vrindavana, Mula wasn’t able to focus her vision on small things, but we described it to her. It seemed to us that the unexpected arrival of such a perfect picture of her with Srila Prabhupada – one that no one was even aware of – was Srila Prabhupada’s blessing upon Mula and her book. Mula Prakriti’s departure in Sukhada’s apartment, which is shaded by a huge banyan tree, was attended by great auspiciousness. Her husband, sons Sravana and Kirtan, and daughter, Nitya, were there to support her. Aindra prabhu and his brahmacharis; and Narayani, Sama Priya and the ladies sang kirtan for hours every day. She had twenty-four hour sadhu sanga, Krishna-katha, and Krishna-kirtan. A constant stream of Vaishnavas visited. Srila Narayan Maharaj came and gave her his blessings, assuring her she had no need to fear, that she would achieve the highest destination. B.V. Tirtha Maharaj chanted mantras while doing anga nyasas for her protection. B.V. Van Maharaj, Premananda prabhu, Uma didi, Rasananda prabhu, Krsnapriya Prabhu, Yasomatinanda prabhu, Radha Kunda, as well as other godbrothers and godsisters and many others came to have her darshan and to bless her.
Mula’s final stage was not quick; the active dying stage lasted forty-two hours. Her godsister and nurse, Sangita, and other medical attendants were amazed that she somehow was able to breathe in lungs that appeared completely full of fluid. “But there is nothing normal about Mula’s condition,” Sangita repeatedly said. Somehow, Mula was still able to hear and respond to some slight degree. When her son, Sravana, led mangal artik and morning bhajan, she raised her hands to offer pranams when the songs mentioned various personalities. In her last hours, Gopavrindapal, Nitya and other devotees took her on Govardhana parikrama by reading from the Vraj Mandala parikrama book.
In the end, she lay under Radha Kunda’s beautiful portrait of Srila Prabhupada, with Krishna’s thick Tulasi garland and Radharani’s flower belt encircling her face, her beloved Deity, Giriju, touching her forehead, and impressions of Srila Prabhupada’s lotus feet behind her head. The Holy Names were written in gopi chandan tilak on her body and her hand was in her beadbag, as it always was. She became restless as breathing became increasingly difficult. Her godsister, Vrindavana Vilasini rushed to her side. “Don’t be afraid, Mula,” she reassured her. “Take Prabhupada’s hand. He will do your breathing for you.” Mula then relaxed. Vrindavana, Sangita, Mahadevi, her children and other devotees began to chant by her side. Gopavrindapal placed Tulasi, Radha Kunda water, Vrindavana dust and charanamrita on her tongue, and placed Srila Prabhupada’s final volume of the Srimad Bhagavatam (10.13) on her chest. Sangita recalls, “For about 30 seconds it seemed as if the sky opened up. The room seemed packed with people – auspicious personalities like sages. I couldn’t see them but I could feel their presence.” On the CD, as Prabhupada began to chant, “Ceto darpana marjanam…,” Mula’s favorite verse of Sikshastakam, a devotee walked in bearing the Deities’ caranamrita and a garland from Sri Sri Radha Shyamsundar. At that moment, Mula left her body.
In death, Mula’s body was even more beautiful than in her last days. She was smiling the old, million-dollar Mula smile. It seemed to get bigger and bigger. Her face was rounder – the gauntness was gone. She was bathed in Radha Kunda water then draped in a beautiful, violet-mauve Bengali sari with embroidered golden yellow border. It had been chosen by Sasikala in Mula’s style: understated and simple, but pretty.
Hearing of Mula Prakriti’s passing, devotees stopped whatever they were doing and came from all over. Yasomatinandan prabhu, in his Bhagavatam class in the Krishna Balarama Mandir, had just finished speaking of the passing of Haridas Thakur when the word came. The entire Keshavaji Gaudiya Math in Mathura emptied out and the brahmacharis, sannyasis and Mathuravasis all came to honor Mula and have her darshan. The kirtan in Mula’s room intensified as more and more devotees squeezed in. Sripad Tirtha Maharaj performed her last rites. She was then placed on a palanquin and taken in procession with kirtan to Srila Prabhupada’s Samadhi and in circumambulation of the Krishna Balarama Mandir. By this time it was the early afternoon and quite hot. Then the devotees, men and women, accompanied her in a sankirtan procession through Vrindavana town to the burning ghat. There, as the form that we had known for so long merged with the elements, we said our last goodbyes and paid pranams to the great Vaishnavi, Mula Prakriti devi dasi, who had graced our lives with her friendship and love and taught guru nishtha by her life’s example.
Your servant,
Manjari dasi
Submitted by Kaulini devi dasiFebruary, 2004
My Dear Suci,
Please accept my humble obeisances. All glories to Srila Prabhupada.
I’m sitting here looking at a picture of you and me. It’s the day I arrived at your bedside, the Russian mothers were shaving your head and the room was filled with a few ladies singing. Mother Jagattarini brought me in, and as I sat down I began to sing along. Shortly after you, Suci, asked Jagattarini who I was.She said, “That’s Kaulini;” you knew I was coming. You looked at me and I came forward and held your hand. I said “Suci, I'm here now to stay with you, I'll be here for you.” Without words a very deep connection and relationship was there.
Just a couple of weeks before it all manifested. Early in the morning I was getting dressed to go to the barn and milk the cows and a devotee came and told me I had a phone call from Vrndavan. Amazed, I picked up the phone, "Kaulini, it’s Bhurijana.” I said, “Bhurijan, where are you?” He said, “Vraj, I have a special request......a wonderful devotee here, Sucirani, is preparing for her final journey, could you come to Australia and help?” Immediately I wanted to go, thinking this is a special call from Srimate Radharani, the Queen of Vrndavan.
Well, as time passed, Krsna's plan pervaded and I was called to Vrndavan instead. From that time on I became so attached to you and thought of caring for you everyday......mostly I was assisting Palika and Rachel. They had already been caring for you and had the daily routine very nicely in order. It was so satisfying to work with these two young girls who I could see had so much affection and respect for you. They were really serving out of love. I helped them with the bodily needs, repositioning, bathing, changing nappies, feeding you prasad, and other needs. I also chanted my japa with you, mostly read from nectar of devotion, and often just sat by your side. There were not a lot of words exchanged but it seemed like a much deeper exchange. I would tell you about funny things while milking the cows, about the beautiful land of Gita Nagari, and about themerciful Lordships SRI SRI RADHA DAMODARA.
I saw your eyes sparkle and you seemed to become happy hearing what I was saying. During much of my time with you there was so much was going on; your parents and brother were there, devotees were coming to read to you and chant, and of coarse the special and private time you had with your son and husband. I stayed in the room right next to you. I didn't ever really want to leave your side.
Suci, you were teaching so many things about a process I knew nothing of--not remembering--and fulfilling my desire to want to care for devotees on this special journey. It’s amazing how we were only together for 7 days, and what was probably the most important time of our lives. We have a connection, a very personal deep relationship, not like any other. I think of you everyday, and play a CD of Aindra chanting in your room. Yesterday I went to Gopinatha Dham by the mercy of Bhurijana’s CD. I have made a commitment to Giriraja Swami to be a real part of the hospice in Vrndavana.
Suci, you made my first experience with someone leaving their body most wonderful and transcendental. I remember reading the book that you had taken on your travels this past year and how all the devotees in the different places around the world benefited so much from your association and loved you so much. I too am such a fortunate soul. I never heard you complain unnecessarily, only simple requests to try to make you more comfortable. You never got angry or upset, even though you were going through so much difficulty. You were always eager to hear, not speaking so much yourself, but I could see such attention to the well wishes of your dear most friends. You didn't want any medication that would altar your awareness and receptivity of hearing the kirtan and Krsna katha. You were so serious and grave in your desire to remember Krsna. You set a most wonderful example, surrendering to Krsna’s plan, Icould see no protest. Suci, those 7 days with you have changed my life.
Although I miss you, I'm sure Prabhupada has cared for you very nicely. You were smiling then, and I'm sure you are feeling much more happiness now. Suci, I pray that somehow I was able to offer you some comfort. I pray that somehow I was able to remind you of Krsna. I pray that you will please remember me to our best friend and protector, and dear Suci, I forever remain in debt with unlimited gratitude and affection.
Till we meet again, if I’m luckyAffectionately, Kaulini dasi
Submitted by Katyayani devi dasiFebruary, 2004
I applaud the wonderful work Mother Jusaniya and Mother Sangita and all the other volunteers and caregivers are doing with Vaisnavas CARE.
It is nearing the fourth anniversary of my dad's death and I wanted to take a minute to remember him.
My dad, was 80 years old, but very active. He had had prostate cancer for a few years, but the effect on his activities was non-existent. He (and my mom who doesn't drive) came to my home, every day except weekends, and babysat my kids. On the weekends, my mom and dad would do all sorts of nice things together. Although my parents are not devotees, and my mother is particularly not favorable, my father was always respectful of devotees and particularly, of Srila Prabhupada. He made donations to the temple, and always inquired about the welfare of the devotees. When I was a young teenager and I first became attracted to ISKCON, my dad was so cool. He would take me to the temple, and take me all over the metro Detroit area looking for ingredients to make prasadam recipes. My dad also encouraged me to have an altar at home and perform aratikas, I don't think he really understood but he was attracted. When Srila Prabhupada left in 1977, my dad was very sad and referred to Srila Prabhupada as a truly saintly man.
Anyway, my father unfortunately woke up one Sunday morning in late September 1999 to discover that he had lost his ability to speak. It seemed that he had a stroke or something. He also began having seizures. Our family gathered at the hospital, and tests were done. We found out that he had a large mass on his brain and it didn't look hopeful.
This began a very difficult time for our family. First of all, because he was on blood thinners for another condition, surgery couldn't be performed until six weeks later because his blood needed to be regulated. So surgery was scheduled for late November. During those six weeks, my dad was a wreck, he was naturally a very vocal person and very intelligent, and his inability to make his mouth say what his brain was thinking was just horrible for him. My mother, who is a retired nurse, was also in anxiety.
The surgery of course revealed the worst, the mass was malignant, and by the time the surgery was done, the tumor has increased by three times. It also had grown on to the outside of his skull and had affected his speech and memory. Plus the cancer was so scattered throughout his brain, they were not able to get all of it out with surgery. Following the surgery, my dad had to have a long series of radiation treatments (which seemed futile and draining). This was required, according to the oncologist for any patient who had brain cancer surgery.
In the meantime also, my dad was going to Rehabilitation to learn how speak and write. This was also a horrible and degrading experience. A smart man, very articulate, was reduced to practicing letter patterning and very easy handwriting exercises. The tears in his eyes as he showed me his work which was painstakingly completed at a less than first grade level. I could see from the expression on his face and other body language that he was suffering like anything.
Through it all however, my dad thought he was going to get better and be in independent man again. He couldn't wait until the six month point had passed so he could drive again. He would not accept that his life was ending. He was very stubborn.
The oncologist then started laying a guilt trip on our family about starting my day on chemotherapy. In the meantime, it was quite obvious that the quality of his life was horrible. He was sleeping most of the time, hardly eating at all, unable to walk due to extreme swelling in his legs. He was very depressed, and seemed not to be able to accept and/or understand that his life was ending.
In the meantime, my mom was just going crazy. She is a retired nurse, and had taken to charting all of my dad's intake and output, as well as checking his vitals every fifteen minutes. Needless to say, sleep deprivation, coupled with just the intense agony of watching your husband of 60 years suffer and dwindle was taking it's toll. Finally she called me (this was in early February 2000) and told me that she just could not take it another minute and needed some help.
It was at this point that I called the Visiting Nurse Association Hospice. This was a complete turning point for our family. First of all, a case worker, along with a pastoral worker, came to meet with my mom, my brothers and myself, along with my dad. They, in an amazingly compassionate and caring way, enabled my dad to be comfortable with discontinuing treatment and preparing for the next step. A male nurse was immediately assigned to my dad. The first thing he did was review my dad's meds (which numbered higher than 30 pills a day) -- and he was able to determine that many of the meds were counteracting each other. He made arrangements to have all meds with the exception of comfort meds discontinued. The Hospice was able to provide a hospital bed, commode, fed ex delivery of prescriptions, a person to sit with my dad (giving my mom much needed space -- even to take a nap), a wonderful array of written material, actually outlining the indications of death that a loved one would observe, 24 hour/7 day a week coverage via phone, I can't even express how supportive and wonderful the Hospice staff was.
When my father passed away peacefully at home, on February 14, 2000, my mom, when she noticed my father was leaving, calmly called her hospice coordinator. He advised her to open the med kit that was provided and provide liquid morphine by mouth. She tried to do this but my dad didn't really accept any. Anyway, to make a long story short, my dad left, we were totally prepared, he was surrounded by loved ones, in his own home. The day before my husband had been reading to him from The Ramayana while my dad slipped out of consciousness. Our hospital nurse came about twenty minutes after my dad left. He cleaned my dad up, assisted in laying him on a mat on the floor (he died in a chair in my parents small apartment), and gathered us all together for a short prayer service. He then, made all arrangements for the funeral home and also for all of the durable medical equipment to go back to the many different companies (oxygen, wheelchair, etc).
I was able to give my father some maha prasad and put a garland on him before he left. After he left, I had strong realizations that enforced what I know so well, but had never been tested before, we are not our bodies, we are spirit soul and once the soul leaves the body, the essence is gone. My whole family, assisted by the care of the wonderful hospice staff, handled the whole situation beautifully and with dignity: my dad I am sure was very happy.
Our family continues to support the VNA Hospice in Michigan. The only unfortunate instance was that I think people are not made aware of the assistance that is available from Hospice -- if I did not work in a hospital, I am not sure I would have even known about it. Physicians push unnecessary expensive and horrifying treatments on patients that do not enhance the quality of life -- and only with the support of the Hospice staff, were we able to say NO to the pushy oncologist!
Anyway, so that is the story of my dad's passing. He was a good man. The day he died, the kind devotees at Detroit offered 12 noon artika on his behalf and my husband and I sponsored a feast. I am sure that my father has gone on to better things. With the assistance of the Hospice program, we were able to make a sad situation glorious and beautiful.
All glories to Hospice workers!
Your servant,
Katyayani devi dasi
Detroit, MI
Submitted by Sachin BoradiaFebruary, 2004
By the causeless mercy of His Divine Grace AC Bhaktivedanta Swami Srila Prabhupada I was placed at the bedside during the passing away of three of my very close family members; my grandmother, my grandfather, and my uncle (Father’s brother). Being in a traditional Indian joint family we had very close-knit family ties with our grandparents staying with us. Our family is from a Jain background and aesthetic and impersonal philosophy is ingrained in the mindset. So devotional service was definitely not a welcome move. Especially with my grandmother, who was a very strict Jain following the philosophy and practices in detail. We shared a very vague relationship, which I am now beginning to appreciate. Both of us were autocratic believing ours was the only right path. But nevertheless our attachment for each other was obviously there and it only grew as time passed.
First to pass was my eldest uncle who passed away in Indore, which is very far away from Mumbai. His body was transported to Mumbai. It took more than 18 hours before it reached Mumbai. Myself with my cousins were involved in cleaning a very now stale body. A realization dawned to me on the futility of materialistic way of life and attachment to the so-called beauty of the body.
I could not do anything spiritually except to pray intensely for the soul of my uncle. Within one year my second uncle, who was suffering from cancer of the abdomen being an alcoholic, had developed ulcers in the stomach, which were later found cancerous. He suffered for seven years and his body weight, which was 80 Kg, was reduced to 45kg. He was praying that death should come to him…though the suffering had to continue long before that. He was a lonely man as he did not have any children and was more or less a failure financially due to ill habits. All I could do was comfort him and try to heal the pain by just talking to him easing him and giving all the love I could. When he was on the verge of leaving his body I found myself chanting close to his ears with a photograph of Gopal Krishna in front of him. By the causeless mercy of Srila Prabhupada my uncle who had lead a very sinful life spent in intoxicating was hearing the transcendental sound vibration of The Holy names of their Lordships.
For my grandparents this was shocking losing two of their sons in a span of one year. My grandmother was very philosophical convincing everyone that we are not the body but spirit soul. Though this was her desperate attempt to get over the grief that had struck them at such a ripe age, she could not take it and went through a mental disorder where she had to live on tablets to get some sense of the real world. She was fine after sometime and with the advent of my son both my grandparents got a new lease of life. My mother, who also was very against my taking to the "cult-like" belief of Krishna Consciousness, one day asked my grandmother to try to convince me off the path. But the beauty was the Lord sitting in her heart made her something that allowed her to develop some unknown Sukruti. She told my mom, “ He is not doing anything wrong, he looks so satisfied doing his sadhana, if you had sons like mine (all three of her sons, including my father were addicted to intoxication) you would know”…bewildering my mom. My son due to the causeless mercy of the lord and wonderful devotees in Mumbai, from a very early age displayed a strong attraction for the holy name. Every time anyone sang Hare Krishna he would start shaking his legs and hands and wanted to dance. This inspired my grandparents to such an extent that every time they would see him they would start singing Hare Krishna Hare Rama for his pleasure and when he would smile it gave them great ecstasy. This made me realize if preaching is done with the innocence of a child’s heart and love and compassion then it would change the hearts of the strongest atheistic people. This quality which our dear Srila Prabhupada displayed helped change the hearts of all the people around the globe.
Meanwhile my grandmother's health was fast deteriorating and we were expecting the inevitable to happen anytime. But to our shock my grandfather, who at 86 was healthy, just passed away with a respiratory attack. I was trying to revive him but he was choking and I realized his time had come. We got Gangajal, poured it in his mouth and me and my wife started to chant Hare Krishna. My father and mother were too bewildered to do anything but cry. The greatness of Prabhupada's mercy enabled us to keep our presence of mind and help my grandfather pass peacefully.
This was too much for my grandmother, who was now bedridden and writhing in pain due to bedsores and could do nothing but yell in mental and physical pain. She developed a very strong attachment for me and would call to me using a vague sound. At that time I told her if you feel like yelling just yell Rama, as I thought it was easiest for her to pronounce that. Every time she needed to call me, to our surprise, she would call out Rama. And finally on the day when she was about to pass away myself and my wife realized that it was her time to go. This time my aunts were there who were very amused with the fact that I was trying to take up to spiritual path at such a ‘young age’. They could not do anything, but they joined us in loudly chanting the Holy names of the Lord. All of us were chanting while we poured Gangajal in her mouth as she prepared to leave.
All this happened in span of just 2 years.
It enabled me to look at my own eventual death more closely. Since then my determination to take to devotional service and my great appreciation for the causeless mercy of Srila Prabhupada and all the wonderful Vaisnavas has increased manifold.
Srila Prabhupada Ki Jai!!!
Submitted by Bhaktavatsala dasaSeptember, 2003
I am employed as a registered nurses in an Intensive Care Unit at a local hospital here in San Jose, California. It might not seem the best place to find a devotee but I would argue a different point. Fallen and condition souls are everywhere, and sometimes the most distressed are lying in hospital beds very close to death. People always want to ask me what a body looks like as the soul leaves but I have no answer. I can tell you what the body looks like when the heart stops beating and the last breath is taken, but I have no insight into the soul leaving a body. I have to rely on shastra for that. Being on the front lines gives me no special powers to see these things, but I can try to send these helpless souls on their path of self realization. I see many people expire or die, and in order to help them I make an effort to be present at that moment when their heart stops and the physician states the time of death for the record. At that time I can be found slipping a Tulasi leaf into their moth and marking their foreheads with Vaishnava Tilaka. And in many cases I am able to chant the Maha mantra into their ear in hopes that they hear the transcendental vibration and their soul somehow remembers Krishna. I hadn't really noticed, but when I share these stories with people they wonder what the other staff are thinking and what they might say. Somehow or other they never notice. Once or twice someone would see me or hear me and ask later what I was doing. The result has always been very positive. Everyone at work knows I am a devotee and with the enormous influx of East Indians in the Silicon Valley, there is a growing curiosity into the culture. Most recently I was assigned an elderly Sikh gentleman. The charge nurse specifically asked me to take care of him because he was Indian. When I entered the room to do my assessment I saw that his head was not covered. From what little I know of the Sikhs, this is not allowed. I took a pillow case and wrapped his head in what looked like a turban. He was unconscious but I always talk to my patients incase they can hear. The Srimad Bhagavatam says that the hearing is the last sense to go. While I was listening to his heart and the sounds his breath made with my stethoscope, I could tell a few people were coming into his room behind me. I turned to find a large family all looking at me and wondering what I was doing. As I offered my respects with folded hands the patient's wife asked me my name. I responded "Brian, and I'll be the nurse taking care of your husband tonight". She had a blank look on her face and did not respond. Instead she walked to the head of the bed and asked who [put the turban on her husband. When I told I did, she continued to with her flat affect and did not acknowledge me. There was several moments of uncomfortable silence while I watched her stroke her husband's head when she suddenly turned to me and asked me again "what is your name?". I repeated my civil name "Brian, mataji". She shook her head and said, "No one wearing kanti mala and brahmin thread is named Brian". "I blushed and apologized saying "Bhaktavatsala das, mataji". She told me that they were Sikhs and not Hindus but that her husband would always go to the temple on Janmastami because he loved Krishna. She asked me if I would not go outside to chant my gayatri, but that I chant it at her husbands bedside, however silent I had to be. She told me that the name of Krishna and Govinda can penetrate anything in this material world. From then on I developed a strong bond with this patient's family and when Janmastami came I left the festivities after putting the Deities to rest and drove over to the temple with maha prasada and a garland from Sri Madan~Mohan for my patient. Everyday I would chant and play bhajans for him on a CD player the family had brought. When I asked then what do Sikhs do at the time of death, they didn't know. When I told them what we do and why, they insisted that when he died (which was imminent), that I chant in his hear and that we play bhajans. That time came and I was not present. I was sorry and I tried to call the family but only got voicemail. Then a few days later several of his sons and wife showed up at the ICU and told me that they saw he was dying and started to play the bhajan tape of Srila Prabhupada singing the Maha Mantra and the oldest son chanted the same in his hear as he left. I know this was Krishna's way of saying "It's not all about you Bhaktavatsala das" and that we have to pass on the message any way we can and hope that someone picks it up. The nurses in the ICU were floored when the family had showed up with an enormous feast of all my favorites and we went into the nurses lounge and ate and had a lively conversation. At the end, I had to get back to work and the wife grabbed my face in both her hands and she was weeping. She said, "Krishna is all powerful and he sent you to us to help my husband go home. Right" He went home?" All I could say is " Mataji, he had a better opportunity then most, I hope that Krishna took him back home" . I don't cry much, but when I saw the desperation in this old woman's face, I cried too. Like I said earlier, I don't know what the body looks like when the souls leaves the body, and I don't know where the souls goes, but I trust shastra and so I'll keep trying to be present or teach people what to do at the time of death.
Hare Krishna
